boys

greyson has grown so that there are moments when i hardly recognize him.

feeling old

i can pinpoint the first moment i felt old.  

it's easy because it just happened.  i don't know why, but it was sort of stunning.  i've always felt young.  actually i guess i've just never felt like a "grown up".  regardless of the husband, house, job, 3 kids.... in my mind i'm still a kid myself, just playing at these adult things.  i've joked "wow, we're getting old" dozens of times, but always with disbelief. 

it started with Christmas this year.

update on the headaches...

just to keep you laughing with me, here's the news since my last post-

i was complaining about quinn's constant fussing.  well, it is very likely that he has a broken leg.  and has had it for about a week.  a hairline fracture, but still something to fuss about.  we won't really know for sure until he can see an orthopedic doc - which according to all of their secretaries may be another week.  i'm really racking up the mommy points.

and do you know what i found inside the apple juice soaked bag?  the iphone that i was sure i had lost.  i was so sure it was lost that i had already replaced it with a new (nicer, fancier) one.

and this morning when greyson and asher were fighting, instead of getting upset with asher for throwing punches i scolded greyson for not ducking.

and i got asked twice in one day "how far along are you?" - (when will people learn not to ask that?!)  i'm totally not pregnant, i just need to make it to yoga more often and never wear that shirt again.

do you ever have the feeling that you are treading water and still slowly sinking?

at least i can still laugh about it.  i hope to find some calm and peace before the holidays.  i'll wish the same for you :)

asher loves beer and other headaches

i packed school lunches today with more enthusiasm than usual.  i'm not typically one of those moms that jumps for joy when kids go back to school.  but yesterday gave me cause to celebrate school today.

oh, yesterday.

happy birthday greyson andrew

and just like that, my baby is Seven.

greyson, 17 days

greyson, 7 years

Greyson: son of wisdom, judge

Andrew: manly, strong, courageous, warrior (or, oh my God, he is just like his dad!)


the thing we most often say about greyson is that he is a Challenge.  he has been pushing us and requiring more of us from the very beginning.  he made me rise to the challenges of pregnancy and motherhood.  he made me and andy a family.  he made all of our parents grandparents and all of our siblings aunts and uncles.

he surprises us daily and i couldn't be more proud to be his mom.

we love you greyson andrew.

happy birthday asher able

my once tiny asher is four.  and he is beautiful in every way.

asher, 4 weeks old

asher, 4 years old

asher: fortunate, blessed, happy

able: having sufficient power, strength, force, skill, means, or resources of any kind to accomplish the object

we love you Asher Able.

thanks, 3 is my limit.

when you are the mom of 3 boys, people in grocery stores don't stop to tell you how awesome your little dudes look in their captain america t-shirts.  they do stop to ask: "are you ready to try for that girl?"  as if there is a girl out there for me, i just haven't hit the jack-pot yet.

halloween 2011

nico admiring our giant squid and turtle

i realized this year that my own picture of an idyllic family halloween comes from the movie E.T. .   

yes, my boys are as cool as my chickens.

someone told me that i have updated more about my chickens than about my kids.  let's fix that:

greyson has been reading like a fiend.  his first grade teacher has a system of rewarding kids with a bead for each 20 short stories or chapters they read. she is a genius. the kids keep their beads on a necklace and it is quite a first grade status symbol.  greyson loves a competition and has been up reading at 5 am several mornings, trying to earn his next bead.

next time, i want to be the dad.

my littlest love is sick today.  (he has a fever that i think is related to teething.  he's acting happy. so not really sick, but cannot be at school.  if he was really sick i would not be doing the following whining).

Quinn home means that i cannot go to yoga.  only my second class and i will miss it.

there are days when i think dads just have it made.  to my knowledge, andy has never missed anything because of a sick kiddo.  and he really doesn't understand the constant struggle between being a mom and being My Own Person.  i believe that most fathers don't really have this struggle. 

my husband says he is going to write a book called How to be a Dad: a Parenting Book for Moms.  he says it will be easy to write because it's just one sentence :   "Do whatever is easiest for you."  he cracks himself up and smiles his biggest toothy smile whenever he talks about it.

dads don't worry all day when a child goes to school feeling sad.  dads don't feel guilty when the morning is rushed and there is no time to make a hot breakfast.  dads know that forgetting to sign up for the art class was just a mistake, it doesn't mean they are failing as a parent.

at least in our house, we handle parenting and parenting responsibilities so differently.   andy tries to do his best.  i want to do THE best.  he hardly notices his shortcomings and forgives mine.  i lose sleep over my imperfections and am critical of his.

i rarely complain about my responsibilities as a mom.  but i have come to realize that when you are a mom, some things are just not fair (that phrase borrowed from my 3 year old).  you can be the champion of birthdays and holidays for the family, but who bakes mom's birthday cake?  you can be the kisser of boo-boos,  the tier of shoes, and the righter of sibling injustice, but who asks mom if the world was kind to her today?

yes, dad should.  but dad is often out being His Own Person. 

when you are a mom, sometimes you have to clean vomit off the couch. or kid poop off the rug. or chicken poop off the floor.  or all three.  and daddy is at soccer practice and neither the chickens or the kids care that it's your birthday and you should not be cleaning up at all.

and those are the days i think i'd like to be the dad.  not forever, because dads are sweaty and smelly and have scratchy beards, but just for a day or two.  long enough to know how it feels to simply love my kids, mom-guilt free.

yoga

thursday i took a yoga class.

and i'm going again next week.

now my "yoga pants" actually are yoga pants.  not just busy, un-showered mom pants.

the yoga class is momentous because this is this first time since i've had a family that i have put a recurring event on our calendar for Me that is not work.

even though i had been planning on going to this class for weeks, waiting for all the kids to be in school and scheduling my work around it, i had a hard time getting myself in the door of the studio.  i kept thinking of all the things i needed to do. all the other ways i could spend that hour and a half.

a new goal for myself is to keep a beginner's mindset.  it seems so important to me.  when i can admit that i am truly a beginner at something, i can laugh at myself, ask questions, and really listen for answers.  have you ever not asked a question because you thought "i should know this"?  i do it all the time.  but i wish i didn't.

yoga is great for reminding me i am a beginner.  i have done yoga in the past, but it has been years.  and then it was bikram yoga - hot, power yoga that is exhausting in every way.   the new class was  yoga foundations - slow paced, i don't see how i'll ever lose the "baby weight" doing this, yoga.  For half of the class my mind was racing, focused on everything but what i was doing.  i thought "please let me like this class because i cannot spend more time searching for another studio that has a beginner class at this exact day and time so that i can pick the kids up from school without being the mom who's always late."

i started to break a sweat (from worrying, not from working hard) and then the instructor said this: "let's focus our yoga today on an expression of celebration.  what do you have to celebrate?  remember, you don't have to have big things to celebrate.  sometimes small things are the most vital.  if you feel you don't have much to celebrate today, celebrate that you are able to stand here.  celebrate the strength within you.  celebrate that you can breathe in and out.  and let that be enough."

and i realized all i have to learn (or re-learn) about slowing down to connect with myself.  in a moment my whole day was changed.  i stood taller thinking of my own strength.  i shook off the worry, i cleared my mind, i focused on my body.  on my breath.  i celebrated being in that room at that moment. and it was enough.

in the end, i did love it.  i can't wait to go back.

chicks at two weeks old

getting big so quickly, the chicks are looking like weird little dinosaurs.  greyson continues to love them.  we try our best to keep quinn away from the chicks brooder.  when he grabs the cardboard side and pulls up i imagine it is, to the chicks, a bit like godzilla attacking.  asher enjoys watching them.  he told me he would hold them more often but he really hates washing his hands.

venus - everyone's favorite

 

 isabella - the sweet one

 lois lane - the mean one.  we wondered if she might be a rooster?

 red - the shy one

 flash - the fast one, she does not like to be held.  we don't give her much choice.

 

singer - the loud one.  singer was the first to fly out of the pen, 

she took off when i put the new chicklets in her house.

 

yes, greyson is shirtless in all of these photos.  he takes after his dad.  why wear a shirt if it's not absolutely necessary?  you're just lucky he was wearing pants.

lots of firsts and ginger cookies

greyson is already a pro at first grade.  he loves it.  he loves school and his teacher and especially lunch time because he has a new buddy.  apparently he and his buddy make jokes and weird noises and crack each other up.  first grade is awesome.

with greyson settling into his second week of school, it was time for Asher and Quinn to start mother's day out.  this is quinn's first time at "school".  first time away from me.  it's a big moment.

asher has not been in school since we moved last year because each time we visited a potential school he made it clear he did not want to go there.  i caved.  i figured he'd had enough change and could spend some time home with me.  i had also had enough of change and his company sounded great.  this year, mommy needs a couple of days a week to work.

come the first day, asher was no more enthusiastic about school.  he did love his new backpack and shoes.  i played on that love to get a few smiley first day photos.  note: quinn is 13 months old on this day and is wearing shoes for probably the second time ever.

i had prepared myself for a messy, wailing separation, but both boys went to their new school surprisingly easily.  no fussing, no clinging, no tears.  from the kids anyway.  i was just proud i waited until i got back in the car.  why was i crying?  i've done this before.  i did the checklist to calm myself: school is great for them, they love being with other kids, it's only for a few hours, i know they are safe, blah, blah, blah....  i realized that my tears weren't for the kids.  they were for me.

without the kids to focus on, i become the focus.  i have to establish some kind of new routine.  for a long time there has been a disconnect between what i am doing and what i want to be doing, but having a new baby has been a beautiful distraction.  my baby is one! now what am i going to do?

i pulled it together and got some work done, drank too much coffee, and vowed to stay off of facebook during "work hours."  i'll deal with the harder stuff a little at a time.

asher and quinn were both all smiles at pick up time.  asher said he couldn't wait to come back tomorrow!  he also immediately asked me what his special treat would be, since greyson got blueberry pies.  (they remember everything.)

at asher's request, we went home and made ginger cookies.  my kids love ginger cookies of all kinds.    these are the thick, crisp, spicy, just-sweet-enough variety.  we rolled them in brightly colored sparkling sugar to make boys smile, and they were quite a treat.

this recipe is adapted from one i found in Chewy Gooey Crispy Crunch Melt-In-Your-Mouth Cookies by Alice Medrich. it is a really fantastic cookie cookbook.  384 pages of just cookies.  the best part is that recipes are arranged by texture!  so you can flip to chapters for "chewy" or "flaky" or "chunky" - you will want to try every single one.

happy 1st day ginger cookies
1 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
2 tsp aluminum free baking soda
2 tsp ground ginger
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp salt (if you use salted butter, omit the salt)
1 stick butter/dairy free butter, melted
1/4 cup unsulfured molasses
1/2 cup natural cane sugar
1/3 cup packed light brown sugar
1 egg
1/2 cup crystallized ginger, diced very fine
sparkling sugar or granulated sugar for rolling

preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
mix the flours, baking soda, ground ginger, cinnamon, and salt (if using) together in a bowl.  in another bowl, or the bowl of your stand mixer, combine melted butter, molasses, sugars, egg, and crystallized ginger.  mix until combined.  add flour mixture, mix until evenly combined to make a thick dough.  scoop out the dough and roll into 1 inch balls, a teaspoon worked perfectly to make even 1 inch balls.  roll  each ball in sparkling sugar.  place cookies about 2 inches apart on parchment lined baking sheets.  bake for 12 minutes, rotate the cookie sheets and swap top and bottom racks half way through baking. the cookies are done when they have flattened out and cracked on top - watch them, though, because of the dark color of the dough they are easy to burn.  cool on wire racks or lift the parchment off of hot cookie sheets and cool on the counter.

i hope you enjoy these as much as quinn did!

quinn's first cookie, 13 month birthday, 1st day of school

asher's treat

this is an amazing photo because all 3 boys are clean at once.  

also, it was quinn's first bath with his brothers in the big tub.

1st day blueberry pies

greyson started first grade today.  first days of school are a swirl of emotions aren't they? i've experienced first days as both a student and a teacher. for the past few years i've been the wife of a teacher.  now i'm the mom of a student.

i'm the mom of a tall First Grader whose enormous permanent front teeth are finally coming in, erasing any trace of baby.

greyson had been asking me for a few weeks if we could make "mini blueberry pies." i'm not sure where he got the idea, but it sounded good for a first day treat.  they were hot when he got home and he was thrilled.  the bubbly, crumbly little pies were a celebration of a perfect first day.  the smell of blueberries and lemon zest in the oven was also a happy comfort on a day when my son casually told me that first graders don't need their moms to walk them to school anymore.

the pies were far from perfect, but they were delicious.  i referenced this blueberry pie recipe from Williams-Sonoma.  a friend of mine recently made this pie and it was fantastic.

this index card is my mother in law's crust recipe written by my husband.  i love it. i hope one day my grand kids are making crust from this card.  this was about my 3rd time ever to make pie crust.  i'm not great at it.  there must be some magic i'm missing with the crust.

here's what i did, let me know if you have suggestions:

1st day blueberry mini pies
crust
2 cups unbleached all purpose flour
1 tsp salt
3/4 cup organic vegetable shortening
ice water

preheat your oven to 350 degrees. combine flour and salt in the bowl of a stand mixer. cut shortening into small pieces and add it to the bowl.  (though my mother in law's recipe says to combine ingredients by hand with a pastry cutter, i used my stand mixer because food network said i could.) mix on low speed until the mixture looks like coarse corn meal.  add ice water one tablespoon at a time until dough just comes together - i only used one tablespoon of water.  it should be wet enough to hold together, but not sticky.

to make mini pie crusts, form the dough into about 12 2 inch balls. start by pressing each ball into a flat disc, then press each disc into the bottom and sides of a muffin tin.  my crusts were a bit thick, i'll press them thinner next time.

prick the bottoms of the crusts with a fork.  bake empty crusts for about 10 minutes, until just barely golden.  remove and fill with delicious blueberry filling.

blueberry filling
3 cups fresh organic blueberries, rinsed and picked over
zest of 1/2 a large lemon
1 tablespoon fresh squeezed lemon juice
3/4 cup pure cane sugar
2 tablespoons organic cornstarch
pinch salt
pinch cinnamon
butter*

*my husband and boys do not eat dairy.  we use a dairy free butter from Earth Balance called Buttery Spread. it comes in sticks or a tub.  it is vegan and they have an organic version, a soy free version, and probably more. it works great in almost everything in place of butter.

combine all ingredients except butter and toss together well.  spoon into crusts, pile each crust really high with berries, they flatten as they cook. drop a small pat of butter on top of each pie. bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes or until filling is bubbly and the edges of your crusts are golden.

my pies smelled amazing, but they were messy and the crust was crumbly.  i didn't fret about it too long - turns out First Graders don't mind messy.

important side note:  i am a little self conscious about posting recipes here.  i'm not a chef.  i only decided i like cooking about a year ago - now i love it.  i've never written out a recipe of my own, are there rules about recipe writing?   i very rarely come up with something all new and original, usually i work from a recipe a great chef did post on some other blog.*  but i do make some really tasty dishes.  and the purpose of this is to learn to do new things.  and i love to share. so i'm going to.  

*i will always credit the original source of the recipe.