my littlest love is sick today. (he has a fever that i think is related to teething. he's acting happy. so not really sick, but cannot be at school. if he was really sick i would not be doing the following whining).
Quinn home means that i cannot go to yoga. only my second class and i will miss it.
there are days when i think dads just have it made. to my knowledge, andy has never missed anything because of a sick kiddo. and he really doesn't understand the constant struggle between being a mom and being My Own Person. i believe that most fathers don't really have this struggle.
my husband says he is going to write a book called How to be a Dad: a Parenting Book for Moms. he says it will be easy to write because it's just one sentence : "Do whatever is easiest for you." he cracks himself up and smiles his biggest toothy smile whenever he talks about it.
dads don't worry all day when a child goes to school feeling sad. dads don't feel guilty when the morning is rushed and there is no time to make a hot breakfast. dads know that forgetting to sign up for the art class was just a mistake, it doesn't mean they are failing as a parent.
at least in our house, we handle parenting and parenting responsibilities so differently. andy tries to do his best. i want to do THE best. he hardly notices his shortcomings and forgives mine. i lose sleep over my imperfections and am critical of his.
i rarely complain about my responsibilities as a mom. but i have come to realize that when you are a mom, some things are just not fair (that phrase borrowed from my 3 year old). you can be the champion of birthdays and holidays for the family, but who bakes mom's birthday cake? you can be the kisser of boo-boos, the tier of shoes, and the righter of sibling injustice, but who asks mom if the world was kind to her today?
yes, dad should. but dad is often out being His Own Person.
when you are a mom, sometimes you have to clean vomit off the couch. or kid poop off the rug. or chicken poop off the floor. or all three. and daddy is at soccer practice and neither the chickens or the kids care that it's your birthday and you should not be cleaning up at all.
and those are the days i think i'd like to be the dad. not forever, because dads are sweaty and smelly and have scratchy beards, but just for a day or two. long enough to know how it feels to simply love my kids, mom-guilt free.
I love this post, Leslie.
ReplyDeleteI feel like you have just described mine and my husband's relationship down to the last detail. Granted, we are VERY new parents, but I often feel like this in most aspects of our life. The way we approach our jobs (I mostly can't look at other photographer's work because it reminds me that I'm not THE best), our relationship, and even raising dogs (I too have scrubbed vomit off the couch, or dog poop out of a crate, and thought it was distinctly unfair that I was the one who always had to do it). I know it's not the same as being, let's say, a full-fledged parent, but I can totally relate.
ReplyDeletethanks cathleen.
ReplyDeletemeena, it's great to hear i'm not the only one! and a new parent is still a parent, and some of the most intense times of being only-a-MOM are when you have a newborn. you and matt will figure it all out :)
Hi. I think that this post echos the sentiments of millions of mamas out there. I think you articulated it perfectly. Thanks for putting into words the very things that most of us are feeling.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog.
thanks win. it makes it better just knowing i am not the only one. thanks for reading and for the kind words.
ReplyDelete